Monday, December 28, 2009

New Swoon - An Abrupt Vampire Love Story

Since vampires were all the rage 2009, I decided to write my own vampire story. (all characters are purely fictional and totally not ripped off from anywhere. For movie deals please contact by commenting)

New Swoon - An Abrupt Vampire Love Story

The moon was so big. Mystical maybe. Not mythical definitely, because the moon is not a myth. So it must be mystical. These were the thoughts Bella had running through her inferior brain as she gazed at the night sky. The stars sparkled like an imaginary vampire as she sat looking at the night sky dreaming to be taken away by a blood hungry psychopath.

Bella sighed. A deep long sigh, her breath illuminated with a hue of green as the vapor dissolved and killed the wild poppy growing on her balcony. Some would say her breath was worse than the smell of carnage and waste leaking from a demons backside. But to Edward it smelled like beautiful roses.

Not that it was peculiar for a vampire to smell anything since they are the undead and relieved of all feelings and emotions. But Edward knew that it was heaven and what he was feeling was love. (Note; Vampires cannot tell the difference between horniness and constipation, let alone a sissy feeling like love)

Edward kept looking at Bella in such fascination. He almost forgot that was stalking her. Thus losing his footing and slipped off the roof and landed face flat on face.

“GASP!” gasped Bella.

“Oww” whimpered Edward.

Edward quickly got up and flared his fangs at her. For he knew she went gaga for vampires, for he knew she went out with a lot of vampires

(Not pictured; Everyone riding the village bicycle)

“SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON” Sheeza swooned as she kept flaying her arms like an air powered doll at a soccer game. Sheeza made her way cross the balcony towards Edward like an octopus. As she got neared her eyes kept batting like a bat. She knew what moves would make a vampire want a girl. For she had convinced Lestat the awesome vampire to sleep with her, and we all knew he was gay for the Brad Pitt.


Edward let out a stifled giggle. For he found it cute and not terrifying that she was still waving all over the place like an octopus. (Note; Edward secretly loves hentai octopus sex) Sheeza knew Edward was now practically set.

“Are you a vampire?”

“I have pointy teeth, no body hair, depressingly pale, hunky looks, and this JUSTGOTOUTOFBED hair style actually took me 45 minutes to get it just right”

“What kind of hair cream do you use?”

“A strong adhesive like Dunlop”

“Oh so you really are a vampire? Do you sparkle like a 13 year old girls myspace page in the sunlight?” Sheeza was very fascinated. She had only been dating hardcore oldschool vampires and not a fat girl’s wet dream.

“Yes” said Edward. This time he winked at Sheeza.

All the right words were said. The body language was hot and perfect, their steamed up eyes connected and signed the unwritten contract binding them with a horrible 4 book story. But alas this was not to be. Little did Edward know that the next morning he would DIE…. (Note; Of Syphilis)

The End